Exercise 2 - Living Value

All right boys and girl now I am back for my second exercise in undergoing transformation.  This one was thankfully a lot less nerve wracking but the concepts behind it are simply amazing and probably actually helpful for life in general.

So my goal for this exercise is to look at the past two days of my daily interactions with people and try to see areas where I could bring value and genuinely help people.  The first part of the exercise was to see observe where I could contribute value.  The second part was to look at the situation take action and give value.  The key part of this is that value is given it is never expected back and you are giving value because of the way it makes you feel not because of how it makes the other person feel.

You know the one thing that all great people have from the great leaders of ancient times to the elite people of today is that they are genuinely nice and incredibly generous.  When you have so much value and great things in life it is only right to give it away to other people and help people achieve the same.

Now in my past I have tried to do this in many parts of my life as a general rule.  Having been a shy introvert and not interacting with people until my twenties one of my first exercises to break out of this many years ago was by just going out and practicing being nice to people.  As a result most people would call me a nice person which is something that I am still very happy about.

But this exercise got me thinking to a whole new level.  Yes I can be nice on short interactions and probably have a good mood created from it in the short term but how do I take it to a whole new level and be generous to make an actual impact on people's lives.

The Exercise

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To be honest I cheated a lot here.  Whenever I observed something I would also go and help out.  So in essence I was doing double the amount of part 2 of the exercise but I didn't mind.  I was out actively looking for places where my unique self can be of value to another.  Here were my common observations:

1)  Co-worker floundering in a meeting - stepped in and prodded him on and urged others to listen.

2)  Young kid struggling in the gym - saw a young kid obviously motivated but with poor technique.  Sat down with him and walked him through exercises.  He wanted to do a full pull up and gave him a plan to get there.

3)  Hot blonde aspiring actress from england was talking about her time here and how she wants to settle down in NYC - Ok this one has other obvious reasons but honestly I approached this as just giving value and really don't expect anything in return.  I remembered Adam giving advice about visas to a group of english girls in miami and I offered that.  I also offered Adam's value (without telling him of course) and said I would put them in touch.  Also going to bring her into my social circle since she is new.

4)  Old lady in supermarket needed help getting something so I saw it and asked if she wanted help.

5)  Invited my sister and a few other non-social friends to a big social circle party I am throwing even though it will limit my ability to escalate.

Some of the observed ones were as follows:

1)  Helping out in grocery stores with stuff that's out of reach.

2)  Tourists and directions

3)  Saw someone with car troubles on the side of the road and I really should have stopped but was so late to a meeting.  Really kick myself for this.

Conclusion

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So as I expected this was one of the most enjoyable and powerful exercises I have done so far.  It really got me thinking about things much more than just a game level.  I mean this is stuff that has a really deep impact on my life.

Helping people and giving value should be a constant goal in my Natural life.  To accentuate this I took the time to look up famous people I admire and noticed that they all partake in humanitarian activities.  Now some may accuse this of publicity but I think that they do this because they need to find focused times to give value because if they just went down the street giving value they would attract too much attention and potential stalkers.

So this is an exercise that I will definitely continue and now that I am learning to look at things in this way I don't think I can go back.  Plus it is a super cool inner game and confidence booster to do something nice and to have people smile and be friendly.

Oh yes and almost forgot my final and most important way of giving value

- Giving my sweet sweet loving to all hot girls in the vicinity because hot girls need love too.

Exercise 1: Jump off the Deep End

You know when I was 8 yrs old I was deathly scared of water, pool and swimming.  I will never forget the first time my dad threw me into the pool and told me to learn.  Ha ha its funny that I went on to swim competitively for most of my youth.

Well that is what this exercise felt like.  If you want to do something well then try the hardest part of it first and if it doesn't kill you it will certainly make the other parts easier.  Well it works for guitar hero so may as well try it for game right ??

The exercise was simple:  Do 10 sets with a direct approach and then ask for the phone number.  Technically you could say this all in one line really if you wanted to.  The goal is to fundamentally and comprehensively work on approaching to make it second nature and doing this would make indirect far easier.

So my game plan was as follows and I broke down my interaction as follows:

1)  Approach with:  "Sorry to bother you but saw you (doing something etc) and you have a very interesting look about you.  I would just kicking myself if I didn't say hi - I'm press by the way."

 - She responds (hopefully)

2)  I have to get back to work but I would like to get to know you better - Whats the best way of keeping in touch?

Ok had the plan down now its just about putting it into action.  Ha ha so much easier said and theorized than done.  I broke up my approaches into two days

Day 1

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Well I was pretty comfortable with the first part and have done day game and opened like that before but I usually have some sort of transition.  To go right into part 2 I just didn't have the guts initially.

About 5 sets of delivering direct opener with a physical characteristic (you are gorgeous your hair is shimmers etc).  All of these brought a smile and a thanks.  Transitioned one but couldn't force a move from off the street.  But this gave me the confidence to do one where i can go the whole way.

Set 1 (Direct, Phone number) - Ok totally nervous and she was in a hurry it seemed looked smile and for the second half I kind of trailed off.  She smiled said no thanks (ha like i was offering food or something) and walked a bit quicker ;)

Too bad b/c she was really hot, dressed in a nice business outfit too just my type.

Set 2 - More or less same result but boyfriend excuse.

Set 3 - Girl outside starbucks.  I open, she smiles - I ask for the phone number and you know for a second she couldn't understand that I had just asked for this and we just stood there for a second with eye contact and an awkward pause.  I then laughed nervously and she did too and asked me if i was serious.  I said yeah actually I am though I am usually a bit better at this.  She teased me for being better meaning I practice.  I told her I hate meeting girls in bars and would much rather talk to someone I see during the day then get drunk and talk to them at night.  She agreed and I fluff about New York and bars/clubs there since I just moved there.

Then I reiterated again that I am off to work but thought she was interesting.  Got her number and I told her about a party I am throwing on Friday for my cousin's birthday and though I don't think she will come a pretty solid close and hot too.  She was blonde so not really my type but a solid 8 and during the day too.

Set 4 - Blown bad didn't even stop for part 2.  Hmm still counting this one though.

Set 5 - Street set again near my apartment.  Saw her about to go into a deli so I stopped her with "Wait before you disappear into the deli I wanted to tell you that" and then follow up with opener.  This was good and as a matter of fact I am going to wait for opportunities like this because the girl almost has a moment of inertia so it is not hard to transition or hold her attention for part 2.  I find that when it sticks the girl is a bit shocked.  She looked and me and said wow that's pretty gutsy.  I then gave her my gotta follow your emotions comfort builder and release tension with plus i actually like seeing what the girls I meet look like.  She laughs and I try to move her away from the entrance which was a mistake b/c she says no I am in a hurry and should go into the deli.  This was pretty stupid because i should have told her I need to get something too and just walked in with her and did an insta-date. Damn!!

So I say ok well are you on facebook?  She says boyfriend.  I say oh thats ok just looking to meet cool friendly people.  Do party invite and get email address for facebook.

Day 2

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This day was much harder.  Work was brutal and it was hard for me to get into the right mood.  Also I was not in the city so I had to go to a mall and bookstore for gaming which actually gave me more social anxiety than the street.

Set 1 - Turns out to be slightly older on approach than when i saw her.  All smiles and tell me she's married.  Ok not going to go there so just leave with more compliments

Set 2 - Hired Gun in store.  Smiles and says she is not allowed to give out number.

Set 3 - Same

Set 4 - Girl shopping with boyfriend response.

At this point I was really out of time so I decide to get back to work.

Conclusion and Learnings

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Ok so I learned that inner confidence really is necessary for Day Direct.  I feel like I only did it right twice and one of them I got rejected on.  I did one pretty bad and still got the number which means that you do have a lot more leeway during the day.

My real trouble with this is that it is so hard to get motivated for.  I was doing it alone and I think a wing would definitely help.  But hey I had to do it and this is about simply getting out there and putting the tasks to work and finding yourself somewhere in between.

One major lesson I learned is set aside some time and get out there at some point you are going to do it.  As long as you don't give up and just build up to it it gets done.  From doing night game I never realized that I have massive inner game issues but exercises like this really help to see it.

The truth is that as a strong male with great assets I should not be afraid of approaching anyone and expressing myself.  I do really need to work on this more and I am going to involve direct approaches as part of my everyday life.

And for my final thought of the day - NYC girls have to be the toughest I have ever encountered I had a much easier time in Miami and San Francisco.